An Open Letter to a Chinese Birth Mother (on sanctity of life Sunday)...

I know we have never met, but I feel like I know you. I have prayed for you more times than I could count without knowing your name or what you look like. I imagine that you are beautiful because my daughter is. 

You see, a little over 4 years ago you made a choice. You chose life. And for that we are incredibly grateful. Grateful doesn't even describe how we feel, but that is the best word I can come up with to try to come close. I can't imagine how you felt that day or what was going through your mind. I imagine you were scared or felt alone...or maybe you were alone. You might still be alone. I think you were very courageous to choose life and to choose to leave your precious daughter at an orphanage gate so she would be found, cared for and safe. 

I can't lie and say that I understand why you did that to your infant, but it's not for me to understand. I believe it was part of God's story He was writing for my family which was incomplete. I pray that it is part of your story too...a story that one day leads you to Jesus. He's the only one who can complete you and love you unconditionally. He gave his life for you and the precious baby girl you left that day. 

It's my job now to take care of her and tell her about her Heavenly Father who loved her so much that he died for her. I have had that role with her now almost 2 glorious years. She is vibrant and full of life. She has a vivid imagination and says some hilarious things daily. She loves her big brothers and they love her. I think you would want to know that she's very smart. 

We tell her about her story and how God put us all together. Don't worry...we would never say anything negative about you to her for you chose life. Thank you for doing that because we now are a family of 5 because of that brave choice. We are eternally grateful for our daughter and the miracle of adoption which we wouldn't have experienced without your choice of life. 

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. We will always pray for you and think of you with gratefulness. 

- the Willis family (Ernie, Michele, Jackson, Carson and Madison Jade)

New Adventure - Homeschool

We have begun a new adventure...one that I LITERALLY said that I would NEVER do.  Well, never say never because I'm homeschooling!!  I have to preface by letting you know that we're only 2 weeks into this new adventure.

I also need to address the elephant in the room of yes, I realize that it's been a while since I've blogged. We did have a great summer and took the family to Disney thanks to Premier Designs!! I suppose that I should have blogged on that and I guess that I will some day, but I'm dipping my toe in first with the "hottest" topic at our house which is homeschool.

Obligatory 1st day of school pics:

I have to say that one observation I've made so far...there is a fine line between feeling like SuperMom and feeling like FailureMom. You that are used to reading my blog (back when I was posting regularly) or if you know me at all...you know that I like to live in honesty world. I'm just telling you like it is.  My first day I walked into it with much fear and trembling! When we were done I looked at myself and said, "This is easier than I thought. Why didn't I do this sooner? I'm SuperMom...cleaning, laundry, school!"  What does the Bible say about pride? Wow...it didn't take long for me to get knocked down a peg or FIVE!

Last week went fairly well in the grand scheme of things if I'm being honest.  This week is only 2 days in and...not so much.  Yesterday was FailureMom. I felt like I couldn't help Carson understand anything. He got frustrated.  I got frustrated.  It wasn't a good scene. I truly texted my precious hubby and said I was done. If he wanted to homeschool them that was fine and I would find a full time traditional job again and he could do it. Otherwise I was going to re-enroll them in school because I was clearly not cutting it as teacher or even as mom at the moment. Thankfully Ernie isn't a "freaker outer" like me.  He talked me off the ledge and after I had a little "deck alone time" and another cup of coffee (which make most things better in my world) I realized he was right and I can truly be stupid sometimes.

I knew going into this that there would be hard days.  I knew that Carson had been struggling some in school last year so I suspected he would be the harder nut to crack. I also know that the enemy is a liar. He preys on our emotions at the time and our fears. The enemy knew that I have been worried about money lately.  In the past 3 months we've spent almost $2000 in unexpected expenses (A/C went out at the house, car repairs for hubby's car, a tree fell on our house).  That's a lot of money to us. This weekend our condensation pump backed up and we had water in our basement.  I've had a desire for around 4-5 years to move back to the Trussville area (we've lived in this house 9 years next month). We still need to replace our broken dishwasher (put on hold due to extra expenses), paint the interior, replace the kitchen floor, get carpets cleaned, among a few other things that don't have an expense tied to them before we can put a sign in the yard. All those things seemed a lot bigger than they actually are when Monday rolled around with a bad day of homeschool. The enemy used all of that to make me second guess doing the things that we believe God has led us to do (full time Premier, homeschool, etc.).  Did I mentioned my hubby has been doing a series at church on spiritual warfare? I didn't? Well, no surprise that he is.  Anytime he speaks on spiritual warfare these type things happen.  You'd think I'd learn!

Anyway, I choose to dwell on the following: I am more than a conqueror with Christ, I'm a daughter of the King, I'm made in the image of Christ, I'm clothed in the righteousness of Christ, I'm part of the beautiful bride of Christ, I am NOT a failure because Christ makes me an overcomer (thanks for the reminder, Mandisa), I have the same power living in me that overcame death and the grave, I have the same power in me that made deaf people hear and blind people see...I talk every day to the King of kings and Lord of lords and HE HEARS ME!!!! Take that, Satan!

How are your first days of school going? Are you in public, private or home school?

One Year...Gotcha Day!

One year ago today I held my daughter for the first time. The little girl we had seen pictures of and stared at those pictures for months and prayed for was finally in my arms. What a difference a year makes...The first few days in China were lifeless stares most of the day and crying mostly at night. The past year has been filled with books, playing with blocks, learning English, playing at the park, getting to know personality, getting to know family and what that means, bonding, attaching, understanding mommy and daddy always come back, brothers sometimes are rough, first birthday in America, first Thanksgiving with family, first Christmas with forever family, first New Year in America, meeting friends and relatives, and recently starting mother's day out 2 days a week...and many many other things in between that I'm sure I've left out or not remembering at the moment.

You see, Gotcha Day for an adopted child is as important as a birthday for a biological child.  The day my boys were born the doctor handed them to me and I saw their precious faces for the first time after 9 long months of waiting.  January 30, 2012 an orphanage director handed me my daughter and I saw her precious face for the first time in person after almost 18 months of waiting.



Today has been an emotional one for me as I think back and look at video from gotcha day (see above). I see a picture of God's faithfulness. She has come so far and it's amazing to me because I know that it's nothing I've done. I've just done what comes naturally to me as a mother...I've nurtured, loved, kissed boo boos, tickled tummies and dressed her in things that are pink. God is the only one that can take an orphan, place her in a home in another country and weave her into a family tapestry as if she had been in it since the day she was born instead of abandoned at an orphanage gate shortly after. The reason why is because God has been a father to many orphans. He knows how to do that perfectly and it's incredible!

Our two boys have been so awesome about this as well.  I'm so proud of how acccepting they have been of their sister that gets all of the attnetion now and how they have loved and protected her since she's been here. I love all 3 of the children with which God has blessed Ernie and me. They're amazing, fun, talented, gifted and even when they drive me up a wall I'm grateful for the time I have with them. God is good all the time...if you don't believe me then look at what He has done:

 January 30, 2012

 October 2012

December 2012

Oops...

It has been since April???  Wow...I'm sorry to anyone out there that follows this blog or cares about blogging, but a lot of things have been happening!!!

I have done my best to adjust being a work from home mom to a toddler full time.  I have to say that I didn't realize that it would be that much of an adjustment, but it just has.  There was a lot of transition all at once in life! Don't get me wrong, I don't regret any decisions that we have made for our family, but there was just a learning curve that lasted longer than I expected.  I consider myself a quick study, but there is nothing about adoption that is quick.  If I've learned anything over this journey it has been that fact!

I probably had my normal unrealistic expectations for myself and for how things would be to parent a toddler 24/7, maintain a home, carpool for 2 kids at 2 different buildings & run 2 companies from my home. I expected to come home and just be able to have all this time to do things at home, always be caught up on laundry, my house would be clean...you know...I'm such a realist! Obviously this hasn't been the case. Time management has been more challenging than it has ever been at any stage of my life, but hopefully I'm getting better at it as the days and weeks fly by.

MJ has done so incredible that I don't even know what else to say.  She speaks in sentences and amazes us at how much she has learned and retains. She is like a little sponge with a huge desire to learn more. She asks a lot of questions and is curious about everything and unbelievably observant. I can't say enough about how well she must have been cared for at the orphage in order for her to have had this smooth of a transition after being uprooted from everything that she knew in life.  We are truly grateful for Maoming SWI and Half the Sky organization who trains the nannies and helps run the orphanage.

Her language really took off when the boys were home for the summer and with her all day. She adores both of them and wants to be like them and do everything they do so I think this was motivation. I tried to keep them busy...remember that I've NEVER been home with ANY of my kids for the summer...much less THREE!!! I had a "freak out" moment weeks before school let out and my dear sweet hubby helped me get a list of things that we could do to keep them busy on a budget as well as maintain some type of normalcy with her nap schedule. Here are a few pictures from this summer:
Lots of time at the park...

 Time with orphanage buddy, Ayla at the park & some swimming...

 Ferrill time...MJ & Cricket love play dough!

Peach park fun!

Beach for the first time

 

There was a whole lot more, but those are a few.  Jackson started 5th grade this year (next year...middle school! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh) and Carson started 2nd.  They both love their teachers and are doing well in school so far. They both played football also which was a challenge to keep our little tomboy off the field!

 

Lots of firsts for this little girl and we celebrated her 3rd birthday, but her first one in America with her forever family! I'll post more pictures soon, but I wanted to at least say that I've done another post since she's been home! LOL. Roll Tide Roll, Go Pack Go and God bless you all!

One more FAQ...

One more question that I forgot from my last post.  It's not one that I've been asked, but I know that people wonder.  How can you love a child that's "not your own"...not yours biologically...can you love them as much as your own child?  The only thing I know to say about this is when we opened an email with her picture and file attached we knew immediately that this was our daughter.  I don't look at her as "a child I'm keeping" or "babysitting"...she's always been my daughter even before I met her.  I've never looked at her any other way so how could I love her any less than my biological children since she's my child too?  I don't look at her any other way. 

It's just like God looks at me.  He accepts me as His child warts and all.  He actually wanted me...the way I am and the way that I was.  It's amazing and sometimes hard to fathom or explain, but yet it's true!  I love my daughter...warts and all just as much as I love my biological children because they're all my children! :-)  I love to hear them call me Mama/Mom/Mommy - anything as long as they call me!  And my heavenly Father loves when I call Him daddy and talk to Him. I'm amazed at His love for me the way that I can treat Him sometimes...just like I love my 3 earthly children no matter how they treat me.

FAQ...

This is my Frequently Asked Questions post.  We get asked a lot of questions about adoption and we're happy to answer them as we're passionate about the subject obviously, but I thought it might be good to post them here as some people may not have the courage to ask...some are just things that people have said that I would like to respond to as well.

• Truly the most popular question I'm asked (which I think is somewhat humorous) is "does she speak any English"?  She did NOT speak any English when we got her.  She was from an orphanage in China and the people that work there are Chinese so she knew mainly Cantonese.  She now speaks some words and copies us with English words and is picking things up pretty well.

• "Why did you pick China? Aren't there children in America that need good homes?"  Yes, there are children in America that need good homes...forever families and good foster care are both needed.  The short answer to the first part of this question is that we felt like God called us to adopt from China.  The longer answer/story can be found here if you'd like to understand more of how we came to our decision.

• "How did you know what to do at first or how to start the process?"  We didn't know a whole lot about adoption when we first started this journey, I'm embarassed to say.  We started by choosing an adoption agency first.  We chose (and HIGHLY recommend) an agency in our hometown of Birmingham, AL (but they have other offices in other states) named Lifeline Children's Services.  They were wonderful about guiding us every step of the way and helping us with resources to learn more about adoption and our specific country from which we were adopting.  Their website (linked above...just click on their name) is a wealth of information if you're even slightly interested in adoption.

• "Isn't it expensive to adopt internationally?"  Yes, it is expensive to adopt, but we serve a big God and we chose to be obedient.  It would have been "easy" to use that excuse and say that we didn't have the money and we wouldn't have been lying! It cost us what some people make in a whole year (China adoption estimated costs), but God provided every last dime so that we didn't go into one penny of debt.  It was in different ways...through fundraisers, generosity of friends and family, generosity of complete strangers, selling things God told us we didn't need anymore and a lot of hard work, but God provided and He continues to do so. There are also grants available - God chose to provide in other ways for us, but we have plenty of friends that were blessed with these type of grants. (side note: for more information on what it costs to adopt or resources for grants that are available - please go to our adoption agency's website at www.lifelineadoption.org)

• "She seems to have adjusted well...is she always that happy?"  We feel very blessed with how MJ has adjusted, however, of course she isn't always happy.  But who takes pictures and posts them of their child when they're throwing a fit or pouting?  First of all...she's TWO!  Second of all, this is all very new and different for her....EVERY single thing about it is new for her...and have I mentioned she's TWO?!  There are things that she doesn't like and she lets us know about it, but so did my biological children.  The biggest difference is my biological children didn't come into our family not knowing who their mom and dad were.  They also were naturally and immediately bonded and attached to us as a family.  They had never been abandoned or raised with a group of children they weren't blood related to when they got here either.  MJ didn't enter our family that way.  She was handed to complete strangers that didn't look like her and she didn't understand because they didn't speak her language.  She was taken away from the only care givers that she knew which were wonderful nannies from an incredible organization called Half the Sky.  We believe that is part of the reason that she has adjusted this well is because of people like Half the Sky that provide wonderful care for these precious children which helps them learn proper bonding and attachment.

• "How are your boys adjusting and how did they respond when you told them about wanting to adopt?"  When we first told the boys that we wanted to adopt they seemed excited, but I'm not sure that they knew or understood exactly what all that entailed.  They learned as we did over time that it was going to take some sacrifices (everything was weighed with that financial perspective) and that some would be permanent.  That being said, they have adjusted well and welcomed having a little sister with open arms so far!  My 10 year old even said last week, "Why would anyone want to give up MJ? She's so awesome!" They're very loving toward her and protective of her.  I'm sure there are times that they don't like some of the financial sacrifices that we've had to make when they're friends are talking about their awesome spring break trip, but I also would hope that they are learning something about what's important in life.

• "Is it hard to adopt?"  I answer that mainly with another question for those that are parents...is parenting hard?  Absolutely!  Parenting in general is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, but I also wouldn't trade it for ANYTHING!  Each one of my children were meant for this crazy family (God help them)!  It has different challenges than parenting your biological children...for some of the reasons stated above, but I still wouldn't trade it for anything.  The adoption process in general isn't hard...it's just a lot of paperwork.  Our process from start to finish (to adopt from China) took about 18 months.  This varies with different countries and different circumstances so don't expect the process to be an exact science, but your agency will keep you informed of time lines as much as possible and can give you estimates based on the majority of the adoptions they have done in that country.

• Last but not least - this one I probably cringe at the most: "It is just so wonderful what you did for this child...I hope she realizes one day how blessed she is."  NO WAY!!!!!!!!!  We are the ones who have been blessed.  Trust me, we didn't feel sad for the orphans and just wake up one morning on a whim and decide to adopt.  We were adopted as God's children and James 1:27 says, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."  For our family, obedience to this verse was answering the call to adopt.  It isn't for everyone, but it was for us.  We are just everyday people trying to love God with all our hearts, minds and souls and love others as ourselves (Luke 10:27).  We didn't do anything spectacular and we're not super Christians.  We're messed up and dysfunctional as much as the next guy! We're people that struggle and sometimes wonder, "why" just like you.  The night of "gotcha day" I was in a hotel room in China crying and telling God and my husband that I didn't know if I could do it.  The fact is that I can't do it, but God can do it through me if I let Him.  That's the only way I know how to get through some days and times...and I think that's ok. :-)

I hope that this has been helpful.  If there are other questions that I didn't answer that you want to know then leave it in the comments and I'll try to answer.  I have tried to be as honest as possible.  I am by no means an expert on adoption, but I told the Lord that I would use every opportunity to be an advocate for this miracle of adoption that he called us to and so I'm trying to hold up my end of the bargain.  Adoption is a perfect picture of the gospel so it's an excellent platform to be able to share hope with people!

It's not about me...

The first line in Rick Warren's book "The Purpose Driven Life" is..."it's not about you."  I've read that book, I grew up in church, I went to Christian school, I went to Bible college, I'm married to a Pastor/Church planter, yada yada yada...who cares? I have SOOOOOOO much to learn about it not being about me. I've dealt with pride in the past and it's not a fun lesson to learn.  What I'm learning right now is that line from that book doesn't always mean you're prideful.  It can mean you're selfish (which can be rooted in pride obviously).

If there is anything that I learned when I had my first child...it's that I'm selfish.  Then I regressed and forgot that little nugget.  I had a 2nd child and was reminded that I'm selfish.  Time went on and I moved on from changing that behavior.  We started going through the adoption process and information and learned before we travelled that we needed to think about things from her perspective.  It helps you to understand why she might react or act out in a certain way.  If I'm anything...I'm honest...and to be honest with you...that  part is somewhat easy when you're in her country.  It's easy to think of things from her perspective...you're somewhat living in it still.  It's even easy to do that the first week or so when you're home, but as you get comfy in your own home and try and get back into your routine...you can easily forget it.  Especially when you're selfish like me.

I have learned a lot about many things through being a parent...and now a parent of an adopted child, but nothing as blatantly obvious to me as (once again) that I'm selfish.  Hard headed much? I get so frustrated with myself that I can't seem to get this life lesson...it's not about me...it's not even about my children or my husband, but it's about Jesus!  I want to complain about how much life I've "given up" for my kids...or to plant a church...or WHATEVER.

I believe that the enemy likes to plant those little things in our heads to get us focused on ourselves rather than what's important and what God has called us to do.  It's a battle of the mind for me so I know I need to keep my mind on Christ and His calling.  I know a lot of things don't make sense to most people out there, but God called us to plant a church, He called us to adopt knowing we wouldn't have 1 income for 6 months in the middle of that and He called me to leave a great job with great people that I loved to stay home with these children.  If that's crazy then I guess you're reading a blog of a crazy person (you can see below that our newest addition fits in well).

I came across these verses yesterday in my devotions (and I love it in the NLT version):
2 Corinthians 5:13 If it seems we are crazy, it is to bring glory to God. And if we are in our right minds, it is for your benefit. 14 Either way, Christ's love controls us. Since we believe that christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life.

I pray that we're bringing glory to God through everything. I pray that it benefits others because Christ's love controls us...crazy or not! So I renounce for GOOD my selfishness and move toward service...Christ first, then family and then others so this family of 5 can make a difference!

2 steps forward 3 steps back...

The title is the way I feel sometimes, but I got some very wise advise about not looking at the day to day, but looking at a week or a month at a time.  We haven't even been home a month.  We have had MJ physically with us only 5 weeks.  These are things that I have to keep reminding myself because it seems like she fits in so well.  Example:

She really has taken to her brothers.  She loves when they are around.  She loves picking them up from school and being with them in the afternoons.  They protect her.  They give her everything she points to no matter what...I have to tell them not to give her EVERYTHING she asks for, but they love making her smile.  We were at the park one day last week and there was a little girl standing in front of MJ and they were just looking at each other...staring.  Carson walked over to them and I couldn't hear what he said, but he didn't look "nice".  I asked him not to be mean to the little girl and he said, "Mom, if she is mean to MJ then I'll hurt her".  I honestly had to keep from laughing in order to instruct him that's not how we do things, but it was so precious in a strange way. *grins*

Early Friday morning we were awakened by MJ crying in her bed in our room.  She had thrown up on herself and her bed.  She threw up several more times Friday morning.  I believe that she had a stomach virus after speaking with the nurse.  There goes the 3 steps back.  Although it was a good opportunity for me to bond with her and show her that I am her mommy that meets her needs...I think it set us a little backward in the eating department.  I felt like we were doing pretty well with that, but ever since that it's been a challenge.  I know it will work itself out though eventually...I'm ust trying to be patient.

We're doing much better in the sleeping department both in schedule for nap times during the week and at night.  She's really doing remarkably well overall so I truly can't complain!  There are harder days than others, but I try to remind myself that it's a marathon and not a sprint.  I try not to look at one day, but things overall.  This morning we played with puzzles for about 30 minutes.  That may not sound like a lot to you guys, but this is huge!! I haven't been able to get her to play with much of anything past a few minutes with or without me so for her to play with puzzles with me for that long is a big deal!

Please continue to pray us through continued adjustment and transition.  Also, pray for several of our friends who just experienced gotcha day and are beginning their adoption journey. We appreciate the support of so many!

Adopted for Life...

God used Dr. Moore's book, Adopted for Life, (among many other things) to change my heart toward adoption.  Here is a short video he did explaining the church's role with orphan care...great stuff from a wise man whom I respect but never met.


Russell Moore from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.

Two weeks and counting...

Yesterday marked two weeks since we came home.  I have to say that most of the time I feel like it has been longer since MJ seems to have fit in with our family so well.  I was telling someone last week that I don't know why I pray for something and then I'm surprised when God does it.  We've prayed for this to be a seamless transition.  For the most part it has been!  There have only been a few minor things that we've had to deal with like sleeping issues at first, some 2 year old fits and a temper to boot! And then there are spontaneous moments like this...

We've also been trying to figure out what foods that she likes and get her on a regular eating schedule.  She likes to graze. She would rather eat just a little at breakfast and two hours later have a snack, then an hour later have lunch...you get the picture.  That has been a challenge along with the fact that she doesn't like a lot of things that we eat, but we're stumbling our way through as best as possible.

A couple of funny things as far as the sleeping goes: she has just this week gotten better on being able to transfer her without her waking up after we get her to sleep.  Prior to this she would wake up and it would be another 20 minutes or so to get her back to sleep.  We have tried to get her to just lay down and go to sleep in her toddler bed...we thought putting it in the boys' room would help, but it didn't.  We moved the toddler bed to our room beside our bed.  The past 2 nights when we've laid her in the toddler bed she's done great and didn't wake up!  Well, 2 nights ago around 3:00AM I heard her moving around on the mattress in her bed...which isn't uncommon as she's a very active sleeper.  I couldn't find my glasses and couldn't see over there because she's on Ernie's side of the bed beside him since I sleep near a wall.  Anyway, I woke up Ernie to check on her and he said "she's not there".  WHAT???  We got up and she had walked across the hall into the boys' room and was standing over Carson about to nudge him to wake him up!  I thought that was hilarious.  Ernie picked her up and got her back to sleep and all was well.  Last night was a different story.  Like I said, she moves all over all during the night.  Well, apparently she had moved either sideways during the night or down toward the foot of the toddler bed where the rails stop and she fell off the bed.  Luckily those little beds are close to the ground for that reason, but it scared her and us to death!  We'll see what tonight holds...Carson will be gone to his first sleepover (sniff sniff) and Jackson has a GRC activity at school and I can't pick him up until 8:20!

I have been doing my best to adjust to being a stay at home/work from home mom.  Most of the time I absolutely love it. Some of the time I miss adult conversation.  Some nights I'm more exhausted than I was after working more than 40 hours a week!  All of the time I cherish it. I know this is what God has called me to do for this time.  I pray I'm doing it justice.  Today the boys have their last day of after school care.  I'm so grateful for this.  I appreciate that the schools offer this for families who work, but I haven't liked my children being there for some time.  There have been so many things that they  have learned from older kids that they're around during that time that they normally wouldn't be and I haven't been happy about it at all.  I'm so excited about having this time with all 3 of my kids! I've never had this before and I'm looking forward to it.  I know it will be yet another adjustment for me, but I'm up for the challenge! I'll have to get MJ on a good schedule so that her nap gets done in time for her to get in carpool line with me...then keep her entertained while she's in her carseat and the car isn't moving.  I need to be first in line at 1 school in order to be able to pick up the other one in time at the other school.  Mom's shuttle service is open for business!  Can't wait until all 3 are involved in extra-curricular activies! (grin)  Speaking of...here is my favorite of all 3 children (that still sounds strange and exciting at the same time to me)...

The Ups and Downs of Adoption...

We have been home a little over a week and there have been ups and downs to be honest...but isn't it that way with most things? We have had great moments where she has loved on us and hugged and kissed and copied words we've said. We've had moments at the park with her big brothers where she has had sheer joy going down slides with them. Then we've had whining, fits, crying, grieving and lack of sleep. But the good certainly outweighs the bad! What a precious child she is. We have gotten to see her little personality come out more and more each day. Remember how concerned I was about her file saying how quiet she was and how she didn't like loud noises and we had loud noisy boys? Ha! That is funny!!!!! She is louder than them! She loves playing with them and being noisy with them. I think she can hold her own against her big brothers...not worried at all! It also said she had a temper...now that part couldn't be closer to the truth! We have seen that...or the terrible 2's (not sure which) plenty of times. It is quite a sight to behold...can put this red head's fits to shame I hate to say! I worry about everything now though. This is one of the ugly truths about me. I have worried about my job as a parent with my boys of course, but not as much as I do with her. I know this is bad so please don't preach at me in your comment. :) Your encouragement would be appreciated though. LOL. See...I'm an adoption newbie. I don't have a clue what I'm doing. My poor husband and also my friend who has also adopted...I KNOW I have to be driving them crazy! They have talked me off the ledge so many times this past week. Ugh! I really am trying to take a step back and calm down and take a deep breath and let God do what only He can do, but that is so easy to say and not to do. I really am like this with most major things, but it has just gone into hyper mode since we have been home. My precious hubby reminded me I've never been home full time with a 2 year old though. I had forgotten that. I've always been working and they were in day care at 2. This makes me sad, but I know that i was where God put me at the time. Now God has put me at home. I love it...don't get me wrong, but it's an adjustment. And add a 2 year old that doesn't know me and I don't know her and we can't communicate with each other very well and that makes it even more of an adjustment! I know that my God who called us to this is faithful though. I am encouraged by this fact. I know that things will get better and communication will improve eventually and it will seem like she has been with us her whole life at some point in time. Until then I will trust...my faith will be increased and my trust will be stretched and I will see God's sovereignty more than I ever have. I have to...this is my only hope to not mess up all things parental that have been entrusted to unworthy me. Keep praying for us as parents and for our 3 kids...and mostly that we make much of Jesus in all we do.

Wide awake at 3AM with Barney

Never say never. I said that I would never drive a mini van. Well documented that I do. I said I would never have a child sleep in the bed with us. I was successful with the first 2 kids. We have had one sleeping in bed with us now for over a week. I swore I'd never watch Barney, and i was also successful with the first 2 children on that, but if said 3rd child that is supposed to be sleeping in the bed were sleeping then in wouldn't have it on. Someone else that adopted this past week asked if I had a blog. She asked if it was going to be "real" or only have the sweet and sappy side of adoption. Se obviously didn't know me very well. :) So here is the " real" side now. It's 3AM and we've been awake since 1. We had a 15 hour plane ride before that to get here...well, to Chicago. We were already tired walking zombies before getting to this point. Now we've had about 5 hours of sleep and not feeling much better while watching Barney sing "here we go looptie loo". Adoption isn't always fun and sweet and sappy, but it's always worth it...it's the heart of the Gospel.

Leaving on a jet plane...

We are roughly 6 hours from leaving at the time I'm writing this blog.  6 HOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe that we're finally here at this point after all this time of praying, waiting, paperwork, waiting, praying, waiting, paperwork, staring at pictures, praying, waiting, paperwork...well, you get the idea!

Please pray for health for us and MJ, for safety for travel, for smooth transitions, for proper bonding and attachment, for our children that we leave at home, for our 3 parents as they care for them and that God would be glorified and go before us!!  Pray for Lifeline, our adoption agency who do this for so many families regularly...and all over the world!!  Pray for her little heart to be prepared as much as possible for a 2 year old...and pray for her nanny who has taken care of her and been her mother figure all this time as she will grieve for her.

I wish I could describe all of the emotions that we're experiencing right now, but there are so many.  We're trying not to be anxious for anything as we know we shouldn't be, but as we're human, that does creep in sometimes.  It's overwhelming in some ways, but so exciting to know that we're days away from meeting our precious daughter that we only know through pictures, a few videos and descriptions.

Thank you for following us on this journey.  Thank you to all who have supported us financially and through prayer...and some through impatience, frustration, excitement, fear and sometimes tears (that certainly goes for Amy and Karla).  We can't wait to post the next time from across the world...this is the great adventure!!!!

Pink...a little girl's room

It's not totally finished as far as straightening up and getting some places to put toys in, but here are some pictures of Madison's room that we worked on today...my last day of Christmas vacation with the boys!

and thanks to my sweet friend, Heather, who just got back from getting her daughter from Maoming...here are some updated pictures of her!

How are you not instantly in love with that precious little girl????  I hope she likes her new room!!

Thoughts & Update...

As of last week we finalized our travel plans.  I can't believe I just typed that.  We have talked about this for so long that it almost seems unreal that it's finally here.  It's funny that you can go through a process for almost 2 years and now that it's here...you don't feel prepared.  I have so much to do before we go, but we're so excited that we're this close to finally meeting our precious daughter!!!

I'm working on her room...one of the many things that I have to do before we go...and here is the lamp:

It's pink and green with ladybugs and I'm having fun decorating a GIRL room!!!!!  I'll post more pictures when it's done.

I've enjoyed some time off with the boys while they've been out of school. We've had some much needed time together since we're about to have 3 children and be gone for 2 weeks! Ernie got a gift card to Rave Motion Pictures from someone at work so we went to see the Muppet Movie during our break. It was so good and had such a great story amongst the silliness. A muppet named Walter had been raised with a human family.  His brother, Gary, obviously grows up eventually and Walter meets the muppets and they want him to be with them.  I love the theme of belonging throughout.  Walter was not human, but Gary was his brother and best friend...he adopted him really.  He gave Walter a family and a sense of belonging.  I can't wait to give that to a temporary little orphan in China known as "Amanda".  She'll have 2 brothers and forever parents to love her and give her the name Madison Jade Willis and she'll hopefully feel a sense of belonging!!!

I've also gotten my LLC in place ready to work from home with my own company, Red Zone Media & Marketing, and also Premier Designs Jewelry when we get back from China.  My last day at Legacy will be the 20th and I'm so grateful for how wonderful they have been as I haven't known timelines, etc. and also for the past 6 years that I've worked there.  It will certainly be an adjustment for me, but we are confident that this is the Lord's leading for our lives during this transition of adoption. I'm very excited about it and need to get my office together!

I'm thrilled it's 2012...the year we become a family of 5!!!  Please continue to pray as we need about $10,000 more and it needs to be wired over the week before we leave and we've done all of this without debt and intend to keep it that way.  We have Ernie's car for sale if you know of anyone that needs a nice used SUV (2007 Nissan Xterra).  Click here for the listing  - thanks for passing along and/or praying!!

Article 5 and TA...

The latest on our adoption is this: our Article 5 has been picked up by Lifeline and we're waiting on travel approval (TA)!! You're probably asking what is this article and where are the first 4...well, I don't really know either! All that matters is that it is the last step before we receive our travel approval which means we're in the red zone finally!!!!!!

We are estimating travel toward the end of January after Chinese New Year...all these holidays in here delay us a bit, but we know it's all in God's timing. This will give us some time to try and sell Ernie's car (listed on Craig's List now...let me know if you're interested) to raise the remaining money needed to travel without debt! Graciously, God has provided all the money we've had to pay to Lifeline through fundraisers, generous people and Premier Designs Jewelry! Now all that is left is travel and in-country expenses and God continues to bring that to us in different ways as well!

We are so grateful for God's provision and using so many of you to pray and give!! Please continue to pray as we prepare to go. Pray for safe travels and that God will use us to spread His message. We are amazed that He would call people as messed up as us to do this. We can't believe that we get the awesome privilege of raising this beautiful little girl in the Willis family!!

Photo Card

This is our Christmas card that I just created. Hopefully I'll get them out to you all, but if I don't then you'll know what they look like and can forgive me please! We just received i800 provisional approval so we're getting very close...looking like January. We fit in our 5th family member as best as we could for now. We now have a very short time (maybe 8 weeks) to raise around $10,000. We're so grateful for those of you that have already helped, and if the Lord so leads anyone else, then we would really appreciate you just donating from the chip in located on this blog. Thanks mostly for your prayers!!! We're so thankful on this Thanksgiving for the gift of children and family and mostly for the grace He has given us by adopting us into His family!

Faith Love Family Religious

Find unique birthday and Valentine's cards at Shutterfly.

View the entire collection of cards.

and the winner is...

This was so much fun!!!  We had 52 entries total and raised $545 to bring our precious baby home!!!

So....here are all the entries in the pumpkin....

then we made sure Ernie couldn't see whose name he was drawing...

then we drew this name....



MANDY HOLCOMB!!!!!  Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I will bring that print with me the next time I see you!!!!

We can't thank everyone enough for all of your generosity!!!  Thank you so much for helping our precious daughter get home to her forever family!!!!!  We love you!

Awesome Provision Adoption Fundraiser

I am so excited to be writing this post!!!! We are grateful for the talent and generosity of Daniel A. Moore and New Life Art to offer this FUNdraiser! The following Mark Ingram "the Heisman Spirit" print could be yours! You can donate $10 on our chip in to the right for 1 try or $25 for 3 tries and we will draw 30 days from today (in honor of my husband's birthday today)!! Obviously the more you donate, the more opportunities to win and the closer we get to bringing our daughter home!! This would be a great Christmas present to try and win or something you could put in an auction for something you're raising money for!  If you would prefer to send us a check let me know that in the comments and we'll arrange for that as well.



If you get the opportunity stop by New Life Art and support them and thank them for us!!!  We are grateful for Danny and his heart to use his God given gift to minister to others!  I wish you the best in the spirit of great competition!

Confession...

I know this won't come as a shock to most of you, but I'm a stinkin' (as we say in the south), rotten, filthy sinner! Seriously, I had some quiet time with God recently and asked Him to reveal anything that might be hindering my walk with Him or the ministry that He has called us to most recently. Well, you know that the Lord say to ask and we'll receive? A lot of times people only want to use that when they're talking about getting things they want in a more material way, but He uses that also for the not so pleasant! He revealed to me my selfishness! Again, I'm sure this isn't a shock to most of you, but I can be so selfish most of the time.

Since we've been on this adoption journey God has been teaching me about my lack of faith and that manifests itself through selfishness. I realized this in my quiet time the other morning and I tweeted right after that, "self pity is a form of selfishness that clouds judgment which keeps us from seeing the needs of others to serve them in the name of Jesus". That is what the Lord revealed to me in His kindness. I'm so thankful that it's His kindness that leads us to repentance, aren't you?

Ok, to bring it full circle for all of you who are confused...I've been so consumed by our needs financially to finish this adoption and asking everyone to pray that I have missed so many opportunities to serve others. God, help me and my unbelief! I'm obviously still learning these lessons, but glad that He has shown me this! You can't deal with what you don't know, can you? Conviction isn't fun, but it's necessary for maturity.

The song,"My Own Little World", by Matthew West describes me to a tee:

In my own little world it hardly ever rains

I've never gone hungry and always felt safe

I got some money in my pocket shoes on my feet

In my own little world

Population me

I try to stay awake through the Sunday morning church

I throw a twenty in the plate but I never give 'til it hurts

and I turn off the news when I don't like what I see

it's easy to do when it's

population me

What if there's a bigger picture

what if I'm missing out

What if there's a greater purpose

I could be living right now

outside my own little world

Stopped at the red light, looked out my window

Outside the car, saw a sign, said "Help this homeless widow"

Just above this sign was the face of a human

I thought to myself, "God, what have I been doing?"

So I rolled down my window and I looked her in the eye

Oh how many times have I just passed her by

I gave her some money then I drove on through

in my own little world there's

Population two

What if there's a bigger picture

what if I'm missing out

What if there's a greater purpose

I could be living right now

outside my own little world

Start breaking my heart for what breaks Yours

give me open hands and open doors

put Your light in my eyes and let me see

that my own little world is not about me

I don't want to miss out on God's bigger picture while in my own little world worrying about stuff that God already is handling.  What is God teaching you right now?