FAQ...

This is my Frequently Asked Questions post.  We get asked a lot of questions about adoption and we're happy to answer them as we're passionate about the subject obviously, but I thought it might be good to post them here as some people may not have the courage to ask...some are just things that people have said that I would like to respond to as well.

• Truly the most popular question I'm asked (which I think is somewhat humorous) is "does she speak any English"?  She did NOT speak any English when we got her.  She was from an orphanage in China and the people that work there are Chinese so she knew mainly Cantonese.  She now speaks some words and copies us with English words and is picking things up pretty well.

• "Why did you pick China? Aren't there children in America that need good homes?"  Yes, there are children in America that need good homes...forever families and good foster care are both needed.  The short answer to the first part of this question is that we felt like God called us to adopt from China.  The longer answer/story can be found here if you'd like to understand more of how we came to our decision.

• "How did you know what to do at first or how to start the process?"  We didn't know a whole lot about adoption when we first started this journey, I'm embarassed to say.  We started by choosing an adoption agency first.  We chose (and HIGHLY recommend) an agency in our hometown of Birmingham, AL (but they have other offices in other states) named Lifeline Children's Services.  They were wonderful about guiding us every step of the way and helping us with resources to learn more about adoption and our specific country from which we were adopting.  Their website (linked above...just click on their name) is a wealth of information if you're even slightly interested in adoption.

• "Isn't it expensive to adopt internationally?"  Yes, it is expensive to adopt, but we serve a big God and we chose to be obedient.  It would have been "easy" to use that excuse and say that we didn't have the money and we wouldn't have been lying! It cost us what some people make in a whole year (China adoption estimated costs), but God provided every last dime so that we didn't go into one penny of debt.  It was in different ways...through fundraisers, generosity of friends and family, generosity of complete strangers, selling things God told us we didn't need anymore and a lot of hard work, but God provided and He continues to do so. There are also grants available - God chose to provide in other ways for us, but we have plenty of friends that were blessed with these type of grants. (side note: for more information on what it costs to adopt or resources for grants that are available - please go to our adoption agency's website at www.lifelineadoption.org)

• "She seems to have adjusted well...is she always that happy?"  We feel very blessed with how MJ has adjusted, however, of course she isn't always happy.  But who takes pictures and posts them of their child when they're throwing a fit or pouting?  First of all...she's TWO!  Second of all, this is all very new and different for her....EVERY single thing about it is new for her...and have I mentioned she's TWO?!  There are things that she doesn't like and she lets us know about it, but so did my biological children.  The biggest difference is my biological children didn't come into our family not knowing who their mom and dad were.  They also were naturally and immediately bonded and attached to us as a family.  They had never been abandoned or raised with a group of children they weren't blood related to when they got here either.  MJ didn't enter our family that way.  She was handed to complete strangers that didn't look like her and she didn't understand because they didn't speak her language.  She was taken away from the only care givers that she knew which were wonderful nannies from an incredible organization called Half the Sky.  We believe that is part of the reason that she has adjusted this well is because of people like Half the Sky that provide wonderful care for these precious children which helps them learn proper bonding and attachment.

• "How are your boys adjusting and how did they respond when you told them about wanting to adopt?"  When we first told the boys that we wanted to adopt they seemed excited, but I'm not sure that they knew or understood exactly what all that entailed.  They learned as we did over time that it was going to take some sacrifices (everything was weighed with that financial perspective) and that some would be permanent.  That being said, they have adjusted well and welcomed having a little sister with open arms so far!  My 10 year old even said last week, "Why would anyone want to give up MJ? She's so awesome!" They're very loving toward her and protective of her.  I'm sure there are times that they don't like some of the financial sacrifices that we've had to make when they're friends are talking about their awesome spring break trip, but I also would hope that they are learning something about what's important in life.

• "Is it hard to adopt?"  I answer that mainly with another question for those that are parents...is parenting hard?  Absolutely!  Parenting in general is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, but I also wouldn't trade it for ANYTHING!  Each one of my children were meant for this crazy family (God help them)!  It has different challenges than parenting your biological children...for some of the reasons stated above, but I still wouldn't trade it for anything.  The adoption process in general isn't hard...it's just a lot of paperwork.  Our process from start to finish (to adopt from China) took about 18 months.  This varies with different countries and different circumstances so don't expect the process to be an exact science, but your agency will keep you informed of time lines as much as possible and can give you estimates based on the majority of the adoptions they have done in that country.

• Last but not least - this one I probably cringe at the most: "It is just so wonderful what you did for this child...I hope she realizes one day how blessed she is."  NO WAY!!!!!!!!!  We are the ones who have been blessed.  Trust me, we didn't feel sad for the orphans and just wake up one morning on a whim and decide to adopt.  We were adopted as God's children and James 1:27 says, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."  For our family, obedience to this verse was answering the call to adopt.  It isn't for everyone, but it was for us.  We are just everyday people trying to love God with all our hearts, minds and souls and love others as ourselves (Luke 10:27).  We didn't do anything spectacular and we're not super Christians.  We're messed up and dysfunctional as much as the next guy! We're people that struggle and sometimes wonder, "why" just like you.  The night of "gotcha day" I was in a hotel room in China crying and telling God and my husband that I didn't know if I could do it.  The fact is that I can't do it, but God can do it through me if I let Him.  That's the only way I know how to get through some days and times...and I think that's ok. :-)

I hope that this has been helpful.  If there are other questions that I didn't answer that you want to know then leave it in the comments and I'll try to answer.  I have tried to be as honest as possible.  I am by no means an expert on adoption, but I told the Lord that I would use every opportunity to be an advocate for this miracle of adoption that he called us to and so I'm trying to hold up my end of the bargain.  Adoption is a perfect picture of the gospel so it's an excellent platform to be able to share hope with people!