An Open Letter to a Chinese Birth Mother (on sanctity of life Sunday)...

I know we have never met, but I feel like I know you. I have prayed for you more times than I could count without knowing your name or what you look like. I imagine that you are beautiful because my daughter is. 

You see, a little over 4 years ago you made a choice. You chose life. And for that we are incredibly grateful. Grateful doesn't even describe how we feel, but that is the best word I can come up with to try to come close. I can't imagine how you felt that day or what was going through your mind. I imagine you were scared or felt alone...or maybe you were alone. You might still be alone. I think you were very courageous to choose life and to choose to leave your precious daughter at an orphanage gate so she would be found, cared for and safe. 

I can't lie and say that I understand why you did that to your infant, but it's not for me to understand. I believe it was part of God's story He was writing for my family which was incomplete. I pray that it is part of your story too...a story that one day leads you to Jesus. He's the only one who can complete you and love you unconditionally. He gave his life for you and the precious baby girl you left that day. 

It's my job now to take care of her and tell her about her Heavenly Father who loved her so much that he died for her. I have had that role with her now almost 2 glorious years. She is vibrant and full of life. She has a vivid imagination and says some hilarious things daily. She loves her big brothers and they love her. I think you would want to know that she's very smart. 

We tell her about her story and how God put us all together. Don't worry...we would never say anything negative about you to her for you chose life. Thank you for doing that because we now are a family of 5 because of that brave choice. We are eternally grateful for our daughter and the miracle of adoption which we wouldn't have experienced without your choice of life. 

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. We will always pray for you and think of you with gratefulness. 

- the Willis family (Ernie, Michele, Jackson, Carson and Madison Jade)

FAQ...

This is my Frequently Asked Questions post.  We get asked a lot of questions about adoption and we're happy to answer them as we're passionate about the subject obviously, but I thought it might be good to post them here as some people may not have the courage to ask...some are just things that people have said that I would like to respond to as well.

• Truly the most popular question I'm asked (which I think is somewhat humorous) is "does she speak any English"?  She did NOT speak any English when we got her.  She was from an orphanage in China and the people that work there are Chinese so she knew mainly Cantonese.  She now speaks some words and copies us with English words and is picking things up pretty well.

• "Why did you pick China? Aren't there children in America that need good homes?"  Yes, there are children in America that need good homes...forever families and good foster care are both needed.  The short answer to the first part of this question is that we felt like God called us to adopt from China.  The longer answer/story can be found here if you'd like to understand more of how we came to our decision.

• "How did you know what to do at first or how to start the process?"  We didn't know a whole lot about adoption when we first started this journey, I'm embarassed to say.  We started by choosing an adoption agency first.  We chose (and HIGHLY recommend) an agency in our hometown of Birmingham, AL (but they have other offices in other states) named Lifeline Children's Services.  They were wonderful about guiding us every step of the way and helping us with resources to learn more about adoption and our specific country from which we were adopting.  Their website (linked above...just click on their name) is a wealth of information if you're even slightly interested in adoption.

• "Isn't it expensive to adopt internationally?"  Yes, it is expensive to adopt, but we serve a big God and we chose to be obedient.  It would have been "easy" to use that excuse and say that we didn't have the money and we wouldn't have been lying! It cost us what some people make in a whole year (China adoption estimated costs), but God provided every last dime so that we didn't go into one penny of debt.  It was in different ways...through fundraisers, generosity of friends and family, generosity of complete strangers, selling things God told us we didn't need anymore and a lot of hard work, but God provided and He continues to do so. There are also grants available - God chose to provide in other ways for us, but we have plenty of friends that were blessed with these type of grants. (side note: for more information on what it costs to adopt or resources for grants that are available - please go to our adoption agency's website at www.lifelineadoption.org)

• "She seems to have adjusted well...is she always that happy?"  We feel very blessed with how MJ has adjusted, however, of course she isn't always happy.  But who takes pictures and posts them of their child when they're throwing a fit or pouting?  First of all...she's TWO!  Second of all, this is all very new and different for her....EVERY single thing about it is new for her...and have I mentioned she's TWO?!  There are things that she doesn't like and she lets us know about it, but so did my biological children.  The biggest difference is my biological children didn't come into our family not knowing who their mom and dad were.  They also were naturally and immediately bonded and attached to us as a family.  They had never been abandoned or raised with a group of children they weren't blood related to when they got here either.  MJ didn't enter our family that way.  She was handed to complete strangers that didn't look like her and she didn't understand because they didn't speak her language.  She was taken away from the only care givers that she knew which were wonderful nannies from an incredible organization called Half the Sky.  We believe that is part of the reason that she has adjusted this well is because of people like Half the Sky that provide wonderful care for these precious children which helps them learn proper bonding and attachment.

• "How are your boys adjusting and how did they respond when you told them about wanting to adopt?"  When we first told the boys that we wanted to adopt they seemed excited, but I'm not sure that they knew or understood exactly what all that entailed.  They learned as we did over time that it was going to take some sacrifices (everything was weighed with that financial perspective) and that some would be permanent.  That being said, they have adjusted well and welcomed having a little sister with open arms so far!  My 10 year old even said last week, "Why would anyone want to give up MJ? She's so awesome!" They're very loving toward her and protective of her.  I'm sure there are times that they don't like some of the financial sacrifices that we've had to make when they're friends are talking about their awesome spring break trip, but I also would hope that they are learning something about what's important in life.

• "Is it hard to adopt?"  I answer that mainly with another question for those that are parents...is parenting hard?  Absolutely!  Parenting in general is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, but I also wouldn't trade it for ANYTHING!  Each one of my children were meant for this crazy family (God help them)!  It has different challenges than parenting your biological children...for some of the reasons stated above, but I still wouldn't trade it for anything.  The adoption process in general isn't hard...it's just a lot of paperwork.  Our process from start to finish (to adopt from China) took about 18 months.  This varies with different countries and different circumstances so don't expect the process to be an exact science, but your agency will keep you informed of time lines as much as possible and can give you estimates based on the majority of the adoptions they have done in that country.

• Last but not least - this one I probably cringe at the most: "It is just so wonderful what you did for this child...I hope she realizes one day how blessed she is."  NO WAY!!!!!!!!!  We are the ones who have been blessed.  Trust me, we didn't feel sad for the orphans and just wake up one morning on a whim and decide to adopt.  We were adopted as God's children and James 1:27 says, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."  For our family, obedience to this verse was answering the call to adopt.  It isn't for everyone, but it was for us.  We are just everyday people trying to love God with all our hearts, minds and souls and love others as ourselves (Luke 10:27).  We didn't do anything spectacular and we're not super Christians.  We're messed up and dysfunctional as much as the next guy! We're people that struggle and sometimes wonder, "why" just like you.  The night of "gotcha day" I was in a hotel room in China crying and telling God and my husband that I didn't know if I could do it.  The fact is that I can't do it, but God can do it through me if I let Him.  That's the only way I know how to get through some days and times...and I think that's ok. :-)

I hope that this has been helpful.  If there are other questions that I didn't answer that you want to know then leave it in the comments and I'll try to answer.  I have tried to be as honest as possible.  I am by no means an expert on adoption, but I told the Lord that I would use every opportunity to be an advocate for this miracle of adoption that he called us to and so I'm trying to hold up my end of the bargain.  Adoption is a perfect picture of the gospel so it's an excellent platform to be able to share hope with people!

Article 5 and TA...

The latest on our adoption is this: our Article 5 has been picked up by Lifeline and we're waiting on travel approval (TA)!! You're probably asking what is this article and where are the first 4...well, I don't really know either! All that matters is that it is the last step before we receive our travel approval which means we're in the red zone finally!!!!!!

We are estimating travel toward the end of January after Chinese New Year...all these holidays in here delay us a bit, but we know it's all in God's timing. This will give us some time to try and sell Ernie's car (listed on Craig's List now...let me know if you're interested) to raise the remaining money needed to travel without debt! Graciously, God has provided all the money we've had to pay to Lifeline through fundraisers, generous people and Premier Designs Jewelry! Now all that is left is travel and in-country expenses and God continues to bring that to us in different ways as well!

We are so grateful for God's provision and using so many of you to pray and give!! Please continue to pray as we prepare to go. Pray for safe travels and that God will use us to spread His message. We are amazed that He would call people as messed up as us to do this. We can't believe that we get the awesome privilege of raising this beautiful little girl in the Willis family!!

Decisions...decisions...

If you've been keeping up then you know that Mexico pretty much has closed its doors to US adoptions.  We were very upset as that is what got us to the adoption point in the first place.  We got through the sadness and we prayed through the disappointment.  We both felt strongly that God had still called us to adoption....we just had to figure out where.  We considered domestic and several different countries; we talked to Lifeline here locally and discussed options.  Today we feel like God gave us peace about the answer to that question.  We will be switching agencies and going through Lifeline here locally and adopting from...
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CHINA!!!
We're very excited and talked to the kids tonight at dinner (well...their dinner...they were eating...I've been a little under the weather today so chose not to eat...probably too much info, but welcome to social media).

Please continue to pray for us as we go through this journey.  We still have a lot of money to raise and I'm pretty sure the kids still don't totally understand what's about to hit them (neither do their parents!), but we've learned through the years to obey when God tells us to do something!! Thank you for those prayers that have already gone up and thanks in advance for the prayers that you'll continue to pray for us!  It's amazing to me that a predominantly Catholic country isn't more helpful with getting their orphans matched with willing forever families, but a Communist country is...God's ways are higher and we're resting in that fact!!!  Come back for more updates and I'll post as we have them...