Confession...

I know this won't come as a shock to most of you, but I'm a stinkin' (as we say in the south), rotten, filthy sinner! Seriously, I had some quiet time with God recently and asked Him to reveal anything that might be hindering my walk with Him or the ministry that He has called us to most recently. Well, you know that the Lord say to ask and we'll receive? A lot of times people only want to use that when they're talking about getting things they want in a more material way, but He uses that also for the not so pleasant! He revealed to me my selfishness! Again, I'm sure this isn't a shock to most of you, but I can be so selfish most of the time.

Since we've been on this adoption journey God has been teaching me about my lack of faith and that manifests itself through selfishness. I realized this in my quiet time the other morning and I tweeted right after that, "self pity is a form of selfishness that clouds judgment which keeps us from seeing the needs of others to serve them in the name of Jesus". That is what the Lord revealed to me in His kindness. I'm so thankful that it's His kindness that leads us to repentance, aren't you?

Ok, to bring it full circle for all of you who are confused...I've been so consumed by our needs financially to finish this adoption and asking everyone to pray that I have missed so many opportunities to serve others. God, help me and my unbelief! I'm obviously still learning these lessons, but glad that He has shown me this! You can't deal with what you don't know, can you? Conviction isn't fun, but it's necessary for maturity.

The song,"My Own Little World", by Matthew West describes me to a tee:

In my own little world it hardly ever rains

I've never gone hungry and always felt safe

I got some money in my pocket shoes on my feet

In my own little world

Population me

I try to stay awake through the Sunday morning church

I throw a twenty in the plate but I never give 'til it hurts

and I turn off the news when I don't like what I see

it's easy to do when it's

population me

What if there's a bigger picture

what if I'm missing out

What if there's a greater purpose

I could be living right now

outside my own little world

Stopped at the red light, looked out my window

Outside the car, saw a sign, said "Help this homeless widow"

Just above this sign was the face of a human

I thought to myself, "God, what have I been doing?"

So I rolled down my window and I looked her in the eye

Oh how many times have I just passed her by

I gave her some money then I drove on through

in my own little world there's

Population two

What if there's a bigger picture

what if I'm missing out

What if there's a greater purpose

I could be living right now

outside my own little world

Start breaking my heart for what breaks Yours

give me open hands and open doors

put Your light in my eyes and let me see

that my own little world is not about me

I don't want to miss out on God's bigger picture while in my own little world worrying about stuff that God already is handling.  What is God teaching you right now?

All Things Are Possible...Really?

Matthew 19:26  Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

I've been thinking about this verse a lot lately.  This verse is in context of salvation.  Jesus was asked by the rich man how a person was saved.  When Jesus told him to sell all his possessions and follow Christ, the man walked away sad because he was rich and he apparently didn't want to part with his wealth.  The disciples continued the conversation with Jesus and were "astonished" and in verse 25 asked how anyone could be saved.  That was His answer.

I've been reading a book called "The Christian Atheist" by Craig Groeschel.  The title of the book sounds strange at first, but the subtitle explains the premise of the book: believing in God but living as if He doesn't exist.  Wow...how many times have I done that?...just in the past week?

I remember thinking about similar things when I went through the Bible study by Beth Moore called "Believing God".  There are 5 statements of faith that you say with her EVERY week on the video:
1.  God is Who He says He is
2.  God can do what He says He can do
3.  I am who God says I am
4.  I can do all things through Christ
5.  God's Word is alive and active in me
I'm believing God!

I've thought about all of these things so much lately because in my flesh I sometimes get overwhelmed with life.  Right at this very moment here's a snapshot of my world: wife, mom of 2 boys, daughter, sister, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, friend, full time VP of Marketing and Business Development, part time Premier Jewelry Lady, trying to adopt from China (which includes raising a LOT of money), hubby and I trying to plant a church by Easter...sometimes I think, seriously God?  I have literally been in the car and yelled out, "I CAN'T DO THIS LORD!!!" 

Then the Lord speaks in His still small voice (which, if I'm honest, I sometimes don't like hearing because it's not what I want to hear), "with God all things are possible".  This morning I sang that song by Hillsong, "All Things Are Possible" and even as I type, there is a song playing that asks a haunting question, "Do I believe that You're my God?...that You're all I need; that You're all I need?"  Do I?  Do I believe in God, but merely live my life as if He doesn't really exist and that He really can't do ALL that He says He can do?  Frankly, yes, sometimes I do...confession time.

God is the God of the impossible...I HAVE to believe that and live like it to get through that never ending list up there.  Praise God that I don't have to do it...I CAN'T do it on my own.  I don't possess the capabilities...neither does my hubby no matter how awesome and Godly he is...BUT GOD!!!!!!!!  Those are the two most awesome words to me these days...but God CAN do all of those things...and God help me if I try to do it on my own or try to get in His way!  That list now changes to I am a daughter of the King, joint heir with Jesus, loved by the Most High God, a life redeemed from the pit, clothed in the righteousness of Christ, receive new mercies EVERY morning and more than a conqueror through Christ!!

With God ALL things are possible...He can do what He says He can do...Do you believe that?  Do you believe that, but live as if it's not really true?  Lord, help my unbelief!

20 months...


What do I mean by that title? What's behind 20 months?...you might be asking (unless you're Rhonda or Ernie). Well, there is a lot behind that time frame...mainly our house.

Our house will have been on the market 20 months the first week of March. Many of you just gasped at that and that's ok...some days I feel like that too. But 20 months represents so much more than just that - let me explain.

First and foremost, 20 months represents faithfulness by our Lord. You probably think I'm out of my mind by saying that, but it's true. God has faithfully provided for our needs every month, every week and every day of every week and month! His provision has been incredible as we have a roof over our head in a safe neighborhood with wonderful schools and 5 minutes from my office. He has provided jobs for Ernie and I that pay for groceries, mortgage, our vehicles and so much more than we really need. God has been faithful to continue to provide people to come and look at our house even if they're not buying it right now. It only takes one showing...one person or one family and one day that person or family will come along - I believe that.

Also, 20 months represents learning. God has taught us so much about prayer, believing that God is Who He says He is (no matter what happens or doesn't happen), beliving that God will do what He says He will do (no matter what happens or doesn't happen), beliving that God's Word is alive and active in us, believing God (can you tell I've listened to Beth Moore?), each other and faith in general. We have also learned that this is a really trivial thing in the grand scheme of things and there are so many people that have things a lot worse than our 35 minute commute to the church family that we love.

20 months represents rest. Rest I said!!! How can we rest keeping our house up with two kids? I obviously don't mean physical rest. We rest in God's promise that He Who began a good work in us will be faithful to complete it (Phil. 1:6). We believe that He began a good work when He led us to Clearview. We believe that God put it on our heart years ago in ministry that we should live in the area where we serve. We know that the Lord will complete that in His timing, and guess what? His timing is always perfect and His ways are always higher and He always knows better than me...always! I can rest in that.

Last, but not least...6 months ago I probably didn't have this peace. Honestly, I probably didn't feel this way ONE month ago, but God has brought me to this place and I'm so glad. It has been difficult for me to get here, and truthfully, there are days that I might not be there, but I FINALLY can thank God for the past 20 months. I don't know what the reason is that God is allowing us to wait this long, but I really don't have to know...and He doesn't have to tell me. I am ok with the fact that I might NEVER know this side of heaven.

I'm grateful for my family (immediate and church!) and I'm grateful for my home...both current and future. I'm also reminded that this isn't really my home anyway which I'm grateful for more than ANYTHING!!

Are you going through something you don't understand too? Have you given it over to the Author and Finisher of our FAITH???

FAITH

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.
Hebrews 11:6

I remember learning this verse at a very young age. I had an album (yes, an actual album...for those of you under 25 that is a large round piece of plastic that you put a needle on from a player that spins around and plays music and things) named The Music Machine. There was a song on there called "Without Faith" and it was basically this verse put to music. As a young child I never realized what all was involved in that word "faith"...or really I didn't realize how much of that word involved me and my mind and choices.

Faith can be hard to put into action. Beth Moore in "Believing God" talks about belief being where your theology and reality meet. I can say that I believe and have faith all I want because I know that verse that I memorized is true, but my actions might show something totally different than what I say I know from my theology. I was convicted of this when I recently went through "Believing God" so I decided to put feet to my faith when it comes to my house.

In total faith and belief in God, I haven't registered Jackson for his old school. I am trusting God to sell our house so that he can be registered at his new school and not have to be moved in the middle of a semester. Guess what? That means that our house has to sell this week!!! I have to have everything done by the beginning of next week because registration is on the 30th. This is where you come in. I'm asking that you believe in faith with me and pray to that end that our house sells THIS WEEK. God can do ANYTHING. I know that He can certainly sell our little house this week. He could sell it today. I believe that and I'm making sure that my theology and reality are communicating the same thing so I haven't even picked up registration papers yet. I want to please God by my faith and not fail Him like I do so many times.

Thank you for interceding on our behalf if you choose to do so. It's humbling to have people pray for you and we are grateful. Praise God that soon we will be in our new house with Jackson in a new school making new friends. We desire to serve our church family FULLY that we've been called to and feel we can't do that to the best of our ability until we are immersed in the community. May God bless you as you hopefully earnestly seek Him!

Please pray for little Anderson Thrower (friend of a friend of mine) and support the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society!! http://www.lls.org/ Anderson is only 19 months old and here's a story done about him - for some reason the embed code isn't working so here is the link: http://cfc.abc3340.com/videoondemand.cfm?id=37894