Basically, once our dossier is sent to China and they approve it then we can be matched with our daughter and await travel approval. I can't believe we're this close!!!!!! I realize that this process can take months, but to be at this point will really get you to thinking...and sometimes with the way my brain works that's not always the best thing. I have a tendency to over-think and analyze things too much to the point of factoring out God and that turns to worry and anxiety...just keeping it real, folks.
Philippians 4:6 says, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." I know the Bible says this...I grew up in church and Sunday school and VBS, but I find myself not living it out. I will go with gut instinct rather than God's instinct by praying about things first.
Obviously we didn't enter into adoption without a lot of prayer, but that was a major decision. Do I trust God with the little things too? Even the little details regarding this adoption? My mind wanders into the following thoughts:
What if she doesn't like us?
What if the boys don't adjust well to another sibling?
What does she look like?
Will we be able to handle whatever her special need is?
This is going to be one of the hardest things our family has done.
What if we don't handle it well?
I don't know how to be a "girl mom"!
There's nothing pink in the house...I don't know how to put bows in hair!
How will I be able to bond properly and yet not neglect my other kids?
What if we can't raise the remaining $20,000?
How can I afford to buy a bunch of girl clothing and bedding on top of raising adoption money?
I know I shouldn't worry about these things. Some of these things I probably shouldn't even think...but I do. Don't get me wrong...I'm beyond excited about having a daughter, bringing her into our home, loving her as if I birthed her myself and introducing her to Jesus...but let's be honest - adoption is also scary.
I've learned something in life though...when you get scared you can't concentrate on the scary part. You focus on the end result and why you're doing that scary thing and you just put one foot in front of the other and continue doing the right thing and eventually you'll be through it.
I know that God has called us to this. He showed us in so many ways and sent so many confirmations! Even something as simple as Carson's baseball coach being around the same stage of adoption FROM CHINA as we are! These things don't just happen by coincidence...God orchestrates them. He orchestrated us to become friends with the Ferrill family that have walked this road before us. He orchestrated us to read one of the most incredible books on adoption ever written that changed our lives (thank you Dr. Moore...I hope to meet you one day)! He orchestrated us years ago to work in orphanages all across Matamoras, Mexico to get us thinking about adoption in the first place.
So who am I to ask all those questions above? I just need to trust and obey...easier said than done for me, and sometimes one is easier than the other, but I'm trying to learn. I'm passionate about changing the statistic of 147 million orphans in the world because I believe James 1:27. I hope to make at least a portion of the impact people like the Ferrills, David Platt, Russell Moore and Steven Curtis Chapman have made in the world of adoption and orphan care. In the meantime, I'm just taking one step at a time.
Do you have trouble trusting and obeying?
